For Grace

 

I do not know why I am still alive.  I did not know.  I do now. 

Grace. 

For those unaware of my story, I survived into the depths of depression and calculated a plan to relieve the ongoing suffering in my own life.  A tangible and thoughtful plan.  A plan conceived from the caverns of defeat and apathy of a career and life devoid of meaning.  For grace, I called my wife instead. 

Grace has many conceptions, many interpretations and therefore extends a variable meaning to all of us.  For me, grace is revealed in the blissful ignorance and unmerited assistance provided in the moments I will never understand.  The moments I do not need to understand.   For there is grace, and I once again have found a meaning and a purpose. 

Grace called me to reclaim a life of purpose with my wife, a deeper connection and a deeper mission.  In this process I was introduced to gratitude, patience, and persistence.  Grace permitted me the opportunity to restart, recoup and recollect the neglected portions of my own soul, of my own marriage and our future.  I owe her that.  Grace that is. 

Grace guided me into a new career of profound meaning, an opportunity to help others in their own rudderless moments of loss, heartache and suffering.  Privileged me with the blessing of presence, compassion, and empathy.   Grace exposed the vulnerability of my own limitations, my own scars and my own existence down to the bone.  Raw enough to be genuine, honest and human.  A sincerity in the work, the calling and a mission larger than my own.  For grace. 

Grace loaned me today, and taught me to be thankful for it.  Grace reminds me that I am flawed, and perfect in my own failings.  Grace forgave me, and permits my own path forward.  Grace honors the efforts and elevates the volume of a single voice.  Grace defined meaning and purpose again in this life and paved a way through the pathless nothing.  Grace found a life worth living, in every setback, in every triumph and every blessing along the way.  For, there is grace. 

Grayson Robert and Zoe Grace …..

Our children.  

                                                                           - Adam B. Hill, M.D.