The Vulnerable Truth

As I sit here today, the book I have written, “Long Walk Out of the Woods: A Physician’s Story of Addiction, Depression, Hope and Recovery” is now officially released out into the world. 

Over the last 8 years, I found my way into recovery and a new life, but the road has been a long one, filled with the downward trials of early addiction recovery, the grind of refractory depression and the joy filled ups of becoming a new father. On this long walk out of the woods, I reclaimed my life, joy, purpose and meaning.  This recovery allows me to show up every single day for my family, friends and my profession as a physician. I now know, I am imperfectly perfect in my own struggles, striving no longer for an exceptionalism of unachievable expectations, but merely being present in the day and appreciating each moment as it comes. 

The feelings on this journey have been complex; profound joy, worry, excitement and peace. Cycles of reflection that deserve the sanctity of a moment for reflection.  The vulnerable truth, I am scared to open myself up to the world in this way. I do worry what some people will say when they see an open wound of authenticity, exposing the fragility of a complex man with lived experience. The world is filled with complex people, trying their best to find their own ways in the world. And sometimes kindness falls in the wake. Yet, I’m proud of what I have accomplished in recovery and I feel empowered to share my story in a way that hopefully will help other people who are still struggling. I know it matters to tell my story, not because my story is somehow special, but merely the opposite. My story matters because all of our stories matter. It is a human story, with human experiences and pieces of our collective humanity that draw us closer together, instead of further apart.

I wrote this book because I don’t want anyone else to feel alone in their own struggles.  I don’t want anyone to feel like their story doesn’t matter, because the truth is that we all have our own stories and each story is worthy of a compassionate ear.  I hope in writing this book, I can contribute my voice to the ongoing movement of normalizing mental health and addiction stories in our culture.  I wish to carve out spaces for our own truths to be empathically heard and I will continue to try to create safe spaces so my own children will know their stories matter – no matter what. 

The day this book went out in the world, I sat on the edge of my bed. In my early morning routine, I put on my shoes as I prepared for the day of work ahead. I looked over to see my children bouncing stride after stride into the welcomed embrace of another exciting day. And I sat in reflection, in the midst of deep and complex emotions; profound joy, worry, excitement and peace, because I didn't always see the world with the same level of welcomed excitement and I almost wasn't around to see any of it all.

 I am here now though.  

I am grateful for every single day. 

And I deeply appreciate everyone who has supported me on this journey, and I thank all of you who took the time to read my story. I hope there is a space for all of you to embrace your own story, live your own truth and feel a welcomed loving embrace for being the person you are meant to be.      ~